Renewal

"Stem cells are the body's reservoir of renewal. The entirety of human blood, for instance, can arise from a single, highly potent blood forming stem cell (called a hematopoietic stem cell), which typically lives buried  inside the bone marrow. Under normal conditions, only a fraction of these blood-forming stem cells are active; the rest are deeply quiescent - asleep. But if blood is suddenly depleted, by injury or chemotherapy, say, then the stem cells awaken and begin to divide with awe-inspiring fecundity, generating cells that generate thousands upon thousands of blood cells. In weeks, a single hematopoietic stem cell can replenish the entire human organism with new blood - and then, through yet unknown mechanisms, lull itself back to sleep."

Siddhartha Mukherjee
The Emperor of All Maladies

Easy to misinterpret

What happened you want to know to the periods and the commas and the exclamation points and the question marks to which I say look around it’s all inconclusive easy to misinterpret so why not let a jumble of words be simple be humble represent nothing but themselves

Hungry

I am hungry for words for learning more about myself for books a glass of cold water not for tricky territory or moving pieces across a flimsy chessboard not for inattention or cunning for order a floor polished clean for clarity and light for a tide pool for beauty and a new lined notebook

Photo - Galiano Island

Parallel world

Routine is the antidote a schedule a sequence procedure a habit morning toast the drive to work that parallel world scratched air weatherless empty it can’t touch me over here for long stretches of time I forget that it’s there perhaps it was only a bad dream

Photo by Luca, Nayarit, Mexico

Fanatically musical

I like order empty space rows of things patterns rhythmical there is poetry in symmetry dissonance in chaos it's not that I'm obsessively neat it's that I'm fanatically musical

Photo: Tidepools in Galiano Island

Dis-ease

For reasons I’d rather not get into, illness – the serious kind – has been on my mind a lot over the past several months. I thought I’d share here a list of things I’ve found useful.

Honor your instinct. This means that if you don’t feel well, you need to launch on a search of why that is. Sometimes a doctor says what we desperately want to hear (“there is nothing wrong with you”) and the temptation to bury what our body is telling us is greater than the ocean. This results in the loss of valuable time (and in you continuing to feel like shit.) You’ll find answers. It might just take a while.

Doctors are not gods. Sometimes they don’t know what to do. They often make mistakes (Ask one. She’ll tell you.) Be skeptical. Believe in the value of multiple opinions.

While on the subject of multiple opinions, consider homeopathy. You have nothing to lose, as this kind of treatment has no side effects. (I will possibly tell you more about this in a future entry. Homeopathy is mind-boggling and fabulous if the doctor practicing it is very good.)

Make a list of symptoms and take notes of things you want to discuss with your doctor. You’ll forget otherwise.

Don’t worry about worrying the people who love you. No matter how much this concerns you, you can’t do much about it, and you (very badly) need to channel your energy towards more immediate things, like your health. Besides, people who love you want to be there for you. Give them some credit. Which takes me to my next point.

Never go to the doctor alone. More than one listener means perspective. Particularly valuable if you are in a panic or emotionally involved.

And, if I could leave you with just one thing, it would be this: don’t be afraid. I’ve learned (thank you Kate for helping me get there) that the opposite of fear is faith. I don’t know about you, but there has been a shortage of faith in my pragmatic, intellectual, non-religious family. Getting on your knees and praying to a force bigger than you (whatever you conceive this to be) beats having all the facts this wired world has to offer. Have faith. If you don’t have any, go find it.

Great ways to waste energy

Make a mountain out of a molehill.

Expect a reaction that is not in the other individual's nature. Then...

Be disappointed or hurt that the desired outcome did not happen.

Dislike someone. Intensely.

Develop a tendency to take things personally.

Worry.

Feel guilty.

Hold imaginary conversations where you predict what another person's reply will be. Go through every possible scenario.

Feed irrational fear.

Assume that things that appear to be larger than you are actually about you.

Decide that you can win by fighting things that seem larger than you. Thrash about.

Hold on tight, for as long as you can, to something that caused you pain.

When you're feeling paranoid, analyze every unrelated event until you find evidence, however small, that the world is indeed out to get you.

Complain. Make sure you make the complaints elliptical by finding people who have similar issues so that beyond discussing them action to resolve them is never taken.

Anticipate the worst-case scenario so you can feel stressed about things that are not likely to happen.