Sit

Setting: early evening. Crowded bus.

A woman sitting turns to a guy standing.
Her: Excuse me, would you like to sit here?
Him: Whah? Oh, no thank you.
Her: I figured you could take my seat and I could sit on your lap.
They regard each other for a second.
Him: Sure.


I learn so much taking public transport.

Kids.

I got on the bus to find it filled to the brim with maybe thirty noisy, smelly, snotty, chatty seven year old kids. 

When we reached their stop the teacher asked "what do we say, children?" And they all replied in unison "THANK YOU BUS!"

It's barely the start of my day and I have already felt irritated, overwhelmed and delighted.
Kids. Tiny emotional roller coasters

Student

A woman gets on the bus and sits next to me. Her curly hair comes down to her waist. She has purple fingernails and big rings. I compliment her on her vintage coat and she gives me a look: bewildered, then sour. She turns away and opens her book. "How to win friends and influence people."

No one notices.

There are about 15 people on this bus. A man jumps on, removes all his clothes except for a large blue blazer and sits, naked from the waist down, on every one of the empty seats. He then jumps out.
That's not the part of the ride that feels most like I'm a visitor from another planet. It's the fact that everyone is looking into their phones, so no one notices him.

Empty bus

While I often wish for a vacant seat, a completely empty bus gives me the sense of having missed the worldwide notification about the apocalypse.

Something wonderful

Woman on bus: is this the 12?
Me: yes.
Her: are you sure?
Me: yes.
Her: but we are not going where we are supposed to!
Me: this is where we turn right.
Her: No! Look! We're nowhere near Folsom!
Me: It will be OK.

The bus has indeed diverted from its route. A year ago my reaction would have been like hers. Now I yawn and go back to my article.

Something wonderful is happening to me.

Affliction

The boy at the back of the bus is about to dash for the front door. That’s when I hear an ambulance approaching; our driver will hit the breaks. You know what happens next: the boy’s thrown forward and flies, head first, across the length of the bus.

It’s an affliction. We see things before they unfold but are unable to stop them.

Life lesson

A young guy and an old man are sitting beside me on the bus, speaking Spanish. 
"To be healthy" the old man says "your cells have to reproduce." He continues. "Cells are about 4.5 centimeters, at least the long ones, and look like veins. For them to reproduce you have to have sex. This is why old ladies get sick and die. They're no longer interested in sex so their cells can't reproduce".
The young guy is impassive.
"Life's nice" adds the old man. "But there's so much to learn to understand how to live it".

Believe it.

The man who just got on the bus is really drunk. Wasted. Trashed. Plus, you can't trust him. He's bad news. 
I know this not because he's stumbling and slurring but because he's yelling that he's drunk, wasted, trashed; that we shouldn't trust him, that he's bad news. 
You should pay close attention to what people choose to tell you about themselves, because it's usually true. Right?

Multiple conversations

I'm on the bus and six different people are talking loudly into their phones she was late for school again the truth is we are both confused I don't know if I will make the meeting it's a real scorcher today serve it on slices of sweet potato would it be wrong to dress up as the Ebola virus for Halloween

The stories we tell ourselves

Woman on bus: Wow. I love your boots.
Me: Thank you.
Her: I want boots like that but they don't look comfortable. 
Me: They are!
Her: If I walked in them I wouldn't be.
Me: OK.
Her: They aren't, right? Be honest.
Me: I have no reason to lie.
Her: I so wish I could get a pair. But I don't want uncomfortable shoes.

I'd complain about her, but we're all stuck on the stories we tell ourselves.

Seven more reasons

I'm on the early morning bus. Two guys stumble on. They're drunk.
Guy 1: (laughing) I have seven DUIs, man. Seven!
Guy 2: (Slurring) You need to see a psychiatrist if you like drinking and driving so much.
Guy 1: Makes no difference. Haven't driven in over 15 years. Let's go find a beer.
Seven more reasons to love public transport.

Good driver

A man gets on the bus, mumbling in a non-existent language. He stumbles over to a woman sitting alone, leans into her ear and yells unintelligibly. No one moves.
The bus stops. The driver gets out of her seat and ambles towards the man.
Her: get out of my bus.
Him: Aw, no!
Her: Now.
Him: I will behave!
She glares.
He walks out.
"Phew" someone says. "The dude sounded satanic".

I adore drivers with balls.

Delusion of privacy

"You were barely human" he says.
"How so?" 
"I saw you with your husband and found you so attractive. You're not like I imagined".
"Explain".
"You're so much better. Now that I know you."
"We're all only human" she whispers.
Our collective delusion of privacy: we so easily believe no one is listening, even on a crowded evening bus.

Pet scorpion

"There's a scorpion on your shoulder" says a guy to another on the bus. "I'll swat him - don't move".
"Oh no no" he replies "he's my pet".
"Pet?"
"Yeah. He's not real affectionate but he's good company. I can take him everywhere."
"Doesn't he sting, man?"
"Well, he won't if I respect his space."
It takes a full ten minutes for me to realize that everything I struggle to learn about love I could learn from that man and his pet scorpion.

What we need

Two men stand in the crowded bus. One carries a guitar, the other a briefcase. Every time the first strums, the second glares. "This is an enclosed public place. If you do that again I will break your fingers". 
After a few stops, he storms off.The man with the guitar picks tentatively. He plays softly at first, then fills the bus with a simple, clean, beautiful piece.I get off feeling so peaceful; and sad for the man with the briefcase. He missed out on exactly what he needed.

Moon designer

I was walking home from the bus and saw a moon so beautiful it made me gasp (photo doesn't do it justice). Desperate to share it I turned to a guy walking in the opposite direction and pointed. We stood there staring. 

Tonight I am grateful to the Moon Designer and for the company, camaraderie and support I often find in perfect strangers.

50 dollars

Two men are sitting across from me on the bus. They are speaking Spanish.

First man: if I tell you what happened yesterday, you won't believe me.
Second man: what?
First man: we were at the site. At noon the boss said it was lunch time. We sat down to a huge plate of hot food and that red wine that they serve in glasses.
Second man stares.
First man: When we were done we all got another plate. I'm still full.
Second man stares.
First man: Then, he gave us each an envelope and said "this is so you can go get coffee, on such a cold day". In it was $50.
Second man's jaw drops.
First man: $50. For coffee.

They look at each other, then burst out laughing.

This holiday, tip generously.

Riding the rocket

I'm in full winter gear and riding the rocket (Toronto speak for "on the subway".) a man sitting across from me is shuffling cards. Not like a poker player - like a magician. He drops them, red and black and white spilling across the gray car floor; then struggles to collect each one. I realize his fingers are numb. This is how I learn that sleights of hand are harder to conjure in freezing temperatures.

I've got nothing

This couple was sitting across from me on the bus. I strained to eavesdrop. They whispered. They giggled. They pouted. They laughed. They nuzzled. They leaned into each other. They held hands.

It was a rough commute: a whole universe unfolding before me, and I couldn't hear a thing.