Why is finding a soul mate so hard?

Anais Nin said "we have been poisoned by fairy tales." 

"Soul mate" is a romantic notion that contributes to us developing unrealistic expectations. 

There are many many wonderful people out there who would make a great significant other, after which you really have to work on yourself and your own baggage to make the relationship something worthy of a romance novel. 

Soul mates are not found. They are created.

Clear and beautiful

The world is clear and beautiful today, its edges sharp, its colors bright. The sky is so close I feel I can touch it.

How can there not be a musical dedicated to new prescription glasses?

Balance

Roosevelt encourages us “to know the great enthusiasms, the great devotions” to “spend ourselves in a worthy cause”. “Something is always born of excess” said Anais Nin. “Great art was born of great terrors, great loneliness, great inhibitions”. “Do not go gentle into that good night” warns Dylan Thomas. “Rage, rage against the dying of the light”.

My favorite parts of life – irrational optimism, falling in love, feeling captivated, elated, inspired – are unbalancing. Balance is not all it’s reputed to be.  

Unfathomable

When I was little I was certain I'd die young because I could not fathom ever being 40. Now every time I come across something unfathomable I remind myself that I'm still alive. Proof that anything can happen.

Adulthood

When I was little all I wanted was to be big so I wouldn't have to ask for anything. I was hyper-conscious that even small things required permission, transport and money. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think "I can do that! I'm a grown up! I have a credit card! I have a car!" 
Being an adult is magnificent.

Life is loss

I know for sure without an ounce of tragedy that life is loss. That even the most rooted, solid structures are transitory. That everything will change. That trying to hold on will cause suffering. That letting things go will hurt like hell but that pain will move through you instead of lodging inside you. 

The single thing I wish for myself, and for you, is that you regard the poetry present all around you with open palms. It's not yours to keep. Nothing is. And therein lies its beauty.

Beauty

It mystifies me that we can remove flight and flutter, movement and magic - even life force - and still be left holding this much beauty.

A good reminder

The beating of your heart is a good reminder that the most wonderful things you take care of are related more to your existence than your intervention.

Proof that you can handle anything

You've managed the most momentous things - your first kiss, friendship, the creation of relationships, your role in family, conceiving your own voice - with no preparation or training. I'm not saying experience isn't critical. I'm saying your past is proof that you come equipped to handle anything.

Go find them

Have you ever noticed how beautiful someone (friend or lover) looks as you come to love them? 
From this I infer that beauty has little to do with physical attributes.
And that if someone doesn't think you are beautiful you should go find all the people who do.

No such thing

How often do you go through something frustrating, sad or boring and realize later that it was the key for something perfect later on?
This can only mean one thing: there is no such thing as a waste of time.

A beautiful world

Unfailingly I am moved to tears when I learn about stories of heroism after something horrible occurs. We don't live in a terrible world. We live in a beautiful world where awful things happen. And every time awful things happen the good in humans reveals itself in new, surprising, breathtaking ways.

You can't change the past

You can't change the past" is a fallacy. Time changes our perspective and our feelings, and we constantly acquire new information; all of which casts our already compromised memories in a different light. Nothing changes more than the past.

A long shot

Many wonderful things that have happened to me I once considered "a long shot". If you regard something as a long shot, go for it anyway.

It just is

Love is related to who you are, not what you do. You don't have to earn it. There is nothing you need to do more of to deserve it. It just is.

Jumbled message

Imagine if everything around you - music and license plates and phone numbers and snippets of conversation and coincidences - were all part of a jumbled message. I believe there is language all around us and that on a good day I understand a bit of it and it fills me with wonder.

Patterns

If you talk to a radiologist she will tell you that the inside of our veins and arteries have a topography, similar to Earth seen from above. We carry within us the patterns of planets.

Just show up

I was recently talking to a guy who was in a coma for two weeks and woke up to find his friends had taken care of his family: helped drive the kids, brought food over, held his hand at the hospital. The experience changed him. Not just coming close to death, but realizing the power of being there for those you love. 

Food is a nice touch, but all you really need to do is show up.

Moderately grateful

My view of the world is black and white. Conversations with Boyfriend go like this:
Me: I’m giving up coffee. I’ll drink tea instead.
Boyfriend: Why don’t you just drink coffee sometimes?
Me: I’m sick of my hair. I’m going to cut it like Annie Lennox.
Boyfriend: Why don’t you get a trim and see how you feel?
Every time he gives me an un-extreme option it blows my mind that it’s even available to me.
I’d declare this fills me with such gratitude my heart could burst; but he’d feel more comfortable if I instead stated I’m moderately grateful for his perspective.

Amazing humans

At Heathrow Airport I left my purse hanging from a hook in the bathroom. Inside: wallet, cash, passports, phone, blackberry, boarding pass, a notebook and my planner. A woman found it and handed it to a security officer. I found it intact a frantic 8 minutes later. Not only are humans amazingly kind, they are also highly organized.