Go for it

While I understand there is virtue in patience I don’t think it’s necessarily true that good things come to those who wait. Good things come to those who go for it.

No plans

Confessions of a closet introvert:
Barista: do you have any awesome plans for the weekend?
Me: YES.
Barista: What will you be doing?
Me: Nothing.

Lose/lose situation

"Does this make me look fat?" creates a lose/lose situation (even if the reply is a lightening quick "NO!") 
I now walk over to Boyfriend and look at him solemnly. "Just tell me the truth. Is my ass too perky in this?" 
I get a gigantic eye roll and we laugh. It sure beats walking out of the house with a negative word hanging between us.

Eat alone

Confessions of a closet introvert: I usually have lunch alone, despite the "never have lunch alone" maxim.
Quiet is scarce. I cherish stepping out of work, picking a café and focusing on the food before me instead of my noisy brain. 
The guaranteed rush of gratitude - for how beautiful everything looks on my plate and the precious hour of peace - confirms that never having lunch alone works for some people, but it doesn't work for me.

Be happy

"Do what you love!" is not an idealistic platitude. It's tied to competence, productivity, even relevance.
When you love doing something, you want to do it a lot. You are (almost accidentally) perpetually practicing, improving, exploring, learning, expanding. 
There is no way to remain competitive against someone who loves what you slog through.

Go.

The most frequent question I get when asked for advice is related to travel. My answer: Go. You will take you everywhere you go, despite of which the trip will open your eyes, jostle your perspective, revive you. It will quiet the clamoring noise that is your life to make room for things to get sorted out. It will change you. You will be better for it. 
Why are you still reading this? Go.

Why I'm trying out CrossFit

I hobbled into the restaurant to meet my friend for dinner.

"What happened to you?" She asked. "Are you hurt?"

"I've been doing CrossFit" I replied. "I'm fine. Just really sore".

"CrossFit?" she looks horrified. “Why?"

I am trying out CrossFit because people around me look at an impossible workout (say, 5 kettlebell swings, 10 handstand push ups and a 400 meter run repeated five times) and say "Yes. Yes, I can do that". They say yes even if they can't, and then look at the trainer to determine how they can get there from here.

There is no such thing as "you can't get there from here". You can get anywhere from anywhere. I want to be reminded of this as often as possible.

I believe that people who nod and begin right away to work towards something slightly deranged have an attitude that is (thankfully) contagious, and believe too that said attitude will splash onto every part of my life if I let it. I want more "yes, I can do that" in a world that often seems so difficult. “Slightly deranged” seems to me like the only way to survive.

I am trying out CrossFit because it's good to hang onto being a beginner. I feel incredibly awkward that I don't know what a kettleball is or how to use one. (well, I do now.) I didn't know what double-unders were (and now I can do one. One!) 

Being a beginner is uncomfortable and humbling, and makes me feel like I need to more frequently not know, and have to ask, and decide to try. I need to feel lost and figure out how to feel found so that I get better at feeling found. I can't learn how to find myself if I am always avoiding getting lost. 

I can't guarantee I will never again feel small but I can learn the steps to get from small to adequate as quickly as possible and do them over and over again to make things easier for future me who’s guaranteed to feel lost and small quite often. (Bonus: if I stick with this, she’ll be stronger too.)

Being a beginner builds up other important things, such as empathy and compassion. It will grant me the patience and presence of mind to extend a hand the next time I encounter someone trying really hard to figure out things that seem obvious and easy to me.

I'm trying out CrossFit because a lot of what’s up on the whiteboard under “WOD” (workout of the day) is stuff I don’t particularly like. I recently learned that I derive pleasure from doing things I like, but even more pleasure from doing something I didn't think I'd enjoy and just letting myself be bad at it. As a recovering overachiever it’s so liberating to disassociate my actions from any form of even remote proficiency.

Besides, if stuck to what I do well my activities would be pretty limited, and I'd never discover anything new. I'd rather be sore.

I believe in the power of practice. I learned this in yoga but CrossFit has been a good reminder of it applying to everything. I'm not good at something or bad at something (and neither are you). There are things I've done a lot of and things I've never tried.

I want to try a wider range of things because I bet you I can get at least moderately good at extremely unlikely things. My single double-under will one day be two and one day maybe before 2016 I will post in some public forum a supremely annoying humble brag of me doing a handstand pushup. 

Finally, CrossFit reminds me I have limits. I have never (and will never) throw up after a workout. If I did, it would be a result of my own ego being a fool.  I'll try super hard to do 20 reps of that in under a minute but if I feel like my heart might beat out of my chest I will stop so I can lean against something and pant. Because contrary to what I’ve heard, CrossFit is not going to push me beyond what’s healthy. Only I can do that.

Discipline

If I started a book and didn’t like it, I would finish it anyway in the name of discipline. Now I believe that the power of discipline deserves to be put to better use. Don’t stick with things if they don’t elate you. Remind me.

Coloring

It was my niece who first reminded me how necessary it is to color. I then read an article about a woman who created a coloring book for grown ups that immediately sold over a million copies. I ordered one and waited months for its arrival. It's here, and it's a beauty.

Now for a cup of chai, a huge box of felt tip pens and a handful of foggy Sundays.

Fragment

I know that my dreams are related to my own subconscious and yet when I dream of someone it feels like I'm holding a fragment of a story they need to piece together and I have to let them know.

Not doing

I've lately been marveling at the things that are resolved by non-action, like the document I was struggling with that got sorted out while I slept.
If you have been pushing really hard, experiment with not and see what happens.

Don't look

1,000 times I've heard my yoga teacher say "don't look at what your neighbors are doing".
Anyway, one of my yoga buddies has made such progress over the past year that I started feeling frustrated at my inability to advance at his pace.
On Sunday, side by side on shoulder stand, I mentioned we were in a pose considered to be rejuvenating.
"So?" he asks. "I just turned 26".

I love tea.

I love tea. I love smelling the canisters at the store and choosing something leafy to bring home. I love pouring a steaming stream of water into a cup that fits well in my palm, warming my hands around it and holding it up to breathe in while it seeps.
I then set the cup down and sit at my computer and forget all about the tea in its snug hot cup.
I love tea, but I seldom drink it.

(Photo: Heath Ceramics.)

We're sick

This love story, fraught with facts I made up, plot twists, and gossip about my co-workers began with a sore throat.

I know full well that a sore throat is a harbinger for a cold or the flu and that ignoring it (or anything else, for that matter) is not very effective. I know too that if I tended to it early by staying home for one day, sipping broth, binging on really good TV and napping I’d likely quash it before it developed into anything worth writing about.

So I ignored it.

I went to work for a week through this sore throat and through every other symptom that followed it: the stuffy nose and headache and fatigue and cough.

How did I get it to begin with? I suspect from someone at work (whose identity I will protect because she knows too much about me), who instead of staying home showed up at the office through all her symptoms.

And of course I took down with me another co-worker, possibly two, who also came in feverish and coughing after they caught the virus from me.

It got to the point where I could barely stand. To stay home, all I needed was to get through that business trip – media training – meeting with the CEO – meeting with the executives – brainstorm – business trip.

To make a long story short, after nearly five weeks (five!) of fighting (and losing) against an exhausting, frightening bug and witnessing my entire team similarly embattled it occurred to me to ask myself: what the heck is wrong with us?

Once upon a time people used to take sick time. And I could blame the economy, the industry, the system, the infrastructure, how times have changed; but I’ll start with myself.

I recognize I am the creator of everything I complain about. That staying home makes me feel like I lost, like I’m weak, irresponsible, like I’m not being a hero, like I’m not a trooper, guilty. So it becomes a preposterous personal crusade instead of choosing to do something as basic and necessary as taking care of myself.

Which takes me to another matter under the category of taking care of myself: once upon a time people used to take vacation. And here again I will not bother blaming the industry and all the aforementioned higher powers and instead confess I have been known to go a year or two without taking any real time off. Travel used to be one of the great joys of my life and suddenly I can’t be bothered to set aside a date to go.

I don’t want to give the false impression that I work constantly. Rather, I have developed a faulty on/off switch with work so that it’s always flickering in the background, even when there is no need for it to be. I have lost touch with sprinting outside and slamming the door behind me because it’s recess.

An astounding 87% of employees do not take sick time or vacation time as often as afforded by the companies they work for. And yes, this is the made up fact I promised in the opening sentence, but still. I bet this is an epidemic.

We have convinced ourselves that our world cannot do without us for a few days (well played, ego) and are as a result impoverishing our profession and ourselves. And in the process we’re getting sick.

Why are so many people feeling somewhere between disenchanted and burned out? Why is the sense that we don’t know what we want to do next, that we lack purpose or have lost our way so pervasive?

How are we supposed to acquire a crisp vision for our life if we never allow ourselves to slow down, to rest, to get perspective?   

What is it that feeds creativity? Where does it come from and how can we get more? (Not in replying to one more email, that’s for sure.)

This is not a reflection of a mid-life crisis (not that I would ever consider a mid-life crisis a bad thing.) I’m not suggesting we collectively chuck it all and take a year off (although I would never discourage it.)

Let’s see how much inspiration we find in a daily dose of silence. Let’s find out how much clarity exploring another place for a few days grants us. Let’s see what revelation we experience from a long weekend lying on the beach doing nothing. (Yes, you can hold a slushy, fruity drink with an umbrella in it.)

And let’s stay home guilt free if we suspect we’re getting sick. Because you know that my aspirational day of sipping broth, binging on really good TV and napping sounded pretty good to you too.

The best interview question in the world

This article was originally published in The Holmes Report.

I’m going to skip the part where I tell you good interviewing skills are critical because hiring is - you know.  The right person changes the game and the wrong person is like a train wreck that destroys everything in its wake – regardless of level – and what you’d really like is for your interview to predict which the person sitting across from you is going to turn out to be.

Plus, you've hired the wrong person before.

And you will again.

While predicting the future is a noble undertaking, and while the company you work for should have in place a methodology proven to come close, what can you do as an individual to make sure that your insight contributes to a more fortunate hiring process?

(A lot, actually. But I’m going to stick to the subject, so will focus on this one little sliver.) 

My vote for best interview question in the world is:

Give me an example of a mistake you made and how you fixed it.

Most common answers: 
·      I can’t really think of one right now.
·      I haven’t made mistakes in a while.
·      (Gasp) I did make a mistake, but it wasn’t my fault.
·      (Double gasp) I did make a mistake, but it was her fault.
·      (Triple gasp) I made a mistake but it was because I was following orders.

I can talk a lot about the second part of the best interview question in the world (“how you fixed it”.) This alone reveals quite a bit about the candidate’s troubleshooting skills, her creativity, imagination, resourcefulness, thought processes and her ability to work within a team.

But my favorite is the first part: “give me an example of a mistake you made”, which is without exception followed by an audible intake of breath and a pregnant pause.

Within the answer to this first part of the question, I’d like to see a sense of humanity. An acknowledgement of fallibility; a sign that the person has already met with and recognizes her limitations as a mere mortal. If you never made mistakes you would not be flexible, nor adroit at mending broken things, nor well versed at assessing risk. Even worse, an individual who cannot own a mistake can’t learn from it, which is a good indicator of the person’s ability to grow within an organization.

I’d like to see accountability, with maybe even a tiny, healthy tinge of possessiveness. That mistake was mine, all mine and I have no one to blame but me. First, because it’s safe to say that a team member who points fingers before they even get the job does not bode well for a collaborative team environment, but more importantly because if you assign blame to someone other than you, you relinquish your power, and I much prefer working with powerful people.

I’d like to see courage. I am so scared you will think less of me if I tell you the stupid, stupid thing I did and maybe decide not to hire me but I’m going to tell you anyway because you asked and my mistakes are part of who I am so if you decide because of them not to consider me for this job maybe you’re not the right company for me so here it goes.

I’d like to see a sense of humor. A woman I interviewed once replied “just one example? Today alone I made about four mistakes before I’d even had coffee!” and proceeded to show me that her socks didn’t match. (Although now that I think about it, the look was sort of bohemian chic so maybe she was showing off.)

I learned this very handy interview question because one sunny morning, a long long time ago, someone asked me to provide an example of a mistake I had made and how I had fixed it.

My answer was, naturally, that I tended to not make any.

That was what I said, in part because I was really young, but mostly because I wanted very much for everyone to believe that I was perfect. (I have since aborted the mission because I was perpetually exhausted and because I found out later that no one was buying it anyway.) 

Which brings me to something else you need to remember about people when you interview them.

I hear over and over again the adage “people don’t change”. But you know what? Everything changes. The weather even after you check your really accurate new app, your intentions even if early this very morning you were brimming with resolve, your feelings despite being so vocal about the certainty deep in your heart, your preferences because when was it that Brussel Sprouts became so delicious? Your plans because as you have already noticed nothing ever turns out how you anticipated; even the precise interpretation of the promises you made, because that was then and this is now.

So it’s only logical to conclude that people do indeed change.

Go ahead and ask me to give you an example of a mistake I made. Just make sure you set aside some time.

Age sets you free

The first time I built a team I found it crushing when someone resigned. It took me years to understand that leaving and loyalty were unrelated. Now I find it hard to believe I ever perceived it that way.
Learning not to take things personally is one of the many gifts of getting older. Age sets you free.

Disproportionate delight

This morning I discovered, possibly with disproportionate delight, that all the things I want to do more of are also my favorite words: loiter, canoodle, cavort, snuggle, frolic, saunter, shenanigans and the sort, simple, counterintuitively snappy nap.

Sad

I don't understand why we're so afraid of feelings. Happy is acceptable, but sad has to be "addressed". It must "move on". It calls for a solution. But sad is not a problem. 
I'm sad and that's OK. I consider sad to be essential. It respects the truth within me, and as such, it is beautiful.

Drinker/not drinker

Boyfriend: Do we have toothpicks?
Me: Nope. But we have floss.
Boyfriend: I'm making a Martini.
Drinker/non drinker.

Defy reality

Before making any big decision surround yourself with elements that defy reality (art, a book, a show.) There is such magic in the world that your perspective will be more accurate if you blur the borders of what you currently consider possible.