Thank you, Ruder Finn!

I'm leaving Ruder Finn because I need time off.


For a few months before deciding I was convinced I didn't know what I wanted to do next, but it turns out I do.

What I want is to sit at my dining room table with a cup of coffee on a Tuesday morning without feeling like I need to treat it like a shooter.

I want to move through a day that isn't overbooked to saunter and make space for serendipity.

I want to stay up late writing without worrying that I need to be at work early the next day.

I want to see what it's like to not have to enter a time sheet.

I want to loiter. Not forever. Just for a little while.

My last day at Ruder Finn will be January 4th.

I am so very satisfied with the last three years. I woke up one day working alone on a laptop out of my apartment; now Ruder Finn has a team in San Francisco that is level-headed, intelligent, hungry and inspiring. I love them so much.

Maybe we'll FaceTime every morning while I sip my coffee.

The people who work at Ruder Finn are first rate. While my dad was sick and I tried to both be there for him and run an office, I heard nothing but "you do what you need to do". Feeling torn is a terrible thing and I never did. What a gift.

While my systems get refreshed I will write. And do yoga. And do executive coaching: media and presentation training, assisting people in articulating what they want to say about themselves, their companies, their vision, their brand.

If you know anyone who needs media coaching or presentation training, reach out. (If you don't, reach out anyway.)

Of course leaving my job with no concrete plans is scary.  Leaving a perfectly good company to loaf, to dabble, to fritter my mornings away can be considered crazy.

But I know what I would tell you if you were in the same situation and came to me for advice.

Honey. It would be crazy not to.


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Email: dushka_zapata@hotmail.com
Twitter: @DushkaAmateur
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dushka
Quora: https://www.quora.com/profile/Dushka-Zapata

Extroverted dreams

Confessions of a closet introvert: we briefly dream extroverted dreams.

Me: To properly celebrate my next birthday I'm going to throw an epic party with Eighties music. Let's start assembling a list of who should come!
Boyfriend: You hate parties.
Me: You make an excellent point.
Boyfriend: So, are you sure you want to work on a list of who to invite?
Me: to properly celebrate my next birthday I want to travel to a remote, uninhabited location.

Is there such a thing as buying too many books?

Read Dushka Zapata's answer to Is there such a thing as 'buying too many books'? on Quora

Please no

Confessions of a closet introvert:

Whenever we have plans, a version of the following conversation takes place:
Me: Oh no. I don’t feel like it.
Boyfriend: Let’s go! It will be fun!
Me: Ugh, no. No. I don’t want to.
Boyfriend: Come on! You’ll enjoy seeing everyone!
Me: No no no no please no
Boyfriend: OK. Would you like to stay home and I’ll go?
Me: Yes. Yes! But no. I can’t. We already confirmed. Why did we confirm? Why why why?

Boyfriend drives. I pout. I enjoy seeing everyone.

Why is finding a soul mate so hard?

Anais Nin said "we have been poisoned by fairy tales." 

"Soul mate" is a romantic notion that contributes to us developing unrealistic expectations. 

There are many many wonderful people out there who would make a great significant other, after which you really have to work on yourself and your own baggage to make the relationship something worthy of a romance novel. 

Soul mates are not found. They are created.

Grandchildren

His whole life my dad dreamed of grandchildren. By the time his first was born he already had early symptoms of dementia.
He would have been more present had he not been busy desperately fighting to not come undone.
I remember you healthy: powerful, supportive, dictatorial
I remember you sick: repetitive, disoriented, lonely.
I loved you just the same.
I remember you in your entirety. 
I remember you.

The perfect family.

Boyfriend, my niece, my nephew and I are standing in line for ice cream. We've had a full day so everyone is subdued. I lean over and give Boyfriend a smooch.

A woman walks up to me.

"I admire you so much" she says. "You have the most beautiful family. Your kids are so well behaved. You and your husband look blissful. Please tell me your secret."

"Well" I say. "This man here is not my husband. And these are not my kids. We just borrowed them."

"OH THANK GOD" she says and walks away.

The perfect family. It doesn't exist.